People Are Still Talking About Scarlett

Maybe because she says this; "Whose life would I like to step into for the day? The president's. I could probably get some things done in the Oval Office."

Sure she could. To try that out, maybe instead of playing the Austrian kidnap victim for her next movie she could do a biography on Monica Lewinsky.

Want To Show Your Favorite Stripper Some Love?

Give her a big hand.

Next time you are busted for using cocaine, use Janet Jackson's favorite excuse: "He gave me some liquidy stuff and it helped me so much... It was in a vial."

No kidding. And you didn't suspect a thing. I would make jokes about Janet Jackson's intelligence but I have made references to 'retarded cats' twice already today.

We all know she was among the first to drink "Cocaine" and that she inspired a whole generation of supermodels to drink it too. They say the high hits you within five minutes, followed by a caffeine boost 15 minutes later. It's like a picture of Jaime Pressly in a can.

Note To President Bush - The Russians May Be Onto Something Here

The solution to terrorism problems, says Igor Shpektor, mayor of Vorkuta, is sex. And plenty of it.

He said: “Legalising prostitution would give men an opportunity within the law to address their emotions sexually with a provided service rather than expressing them in the form of xenophobia and extremism.”

Indeed. Those Muslim guys kill infidels because they get 72 virgins in Heaven for doing so. Or 72 grapes. 72 white, sweet things of one sort or another anyway - my Arabic is rusty and their penmanship wasn't all that great in 800AD. So hooking them up now saves us a lot of hassle, don't you think?

Scarlett Johansson, Kidnap Victim

Scarlett Johansson is in line to play the most famous kidnap victim of 2006. You know, the Austrian girl, Natascha Kampusch, held as a sex slave by some creepy Austrian guy.



This casting choice also makes his suicide by train track after she escaped a lot more believable too.

I sense an Academy Award here.

Jessica Simpson Is Afraid You Will Notice Her Breasts

So she wears a bag strap between them to try and hide them.