This Is Supposed To Be A Bad Thing?

I think 85% of men wish this was an infectious disease that would spread to all women ... and we'd have a whole planet full of hot, rich girls who can't talk. And not much competition from Nick Lachey types, because the only kinky thing they could think to do with her was wear her shoes.

Dixie Chicks Surprised By Snub

It isn't just that their music is bad ... half of country music is bad. And it isn't just that it's too pop - if you listen to Shania Twain's big album anywhere else in the world and compare it to the country version, the only difference is the country version has steel guitars post-processed in. That's it.

So country music fans have no problem with crap music if the girls are respectful and at least remotely hot. What country music fans won't like is going to other countries and bad-mouthing America.

Why is it that I know maybe 10 country music songs and I know better than the Dixie Chicks and all of their advisors that country music fans are patriotic?

The lesson the Dixie Chicks still didn't learn? Cindy Sheehan and a whole lot of other people who supported what they did for their own political reasons don't actually buy Dixie Chicks albums. And people who do buy Dixie Chicks albums feel like you can bad-mouth family in the kitchen, but not in France.

This Washington Post article went out of its way to note that the Dixie Chicks did not get nominated for anything. They ignored the 10,000 other country music acts that also did not get nominated but it gave them a chance to point out that the Dixie Chicks spoke out against Bush. Then they list the relatively harmless quote out of context to emphasize how unfairly the Dixie Chicks are being treated.

They don't even seem to consider two points. First, is that the Dixie Chicks album sucked. Since they went out of their way to assert their independence by slamming their detractors again they obviously weren't in the right frame of mind when they made it - they still sold some on name alone but nowhere near previous efforts. Second, actions have consequences. If you get to be famous enough to think you can foist your opinion off on others - and have them pay $30 and up for the privilege of hearing your politics - you should expect that you will pay the price if you insult the intelligence of your audience.

Plus, those chicks in SheDaisy are way hotter:

CNN Goofs Again

Wow ... what a run of bad luck that Bush guy has had on CNN. It's almost like you would think they don't like him.

Last November, during a live speech by V.P. Dick Cheney, a big "X" kept appearring. Then yesterday they had to apologize for mistakenly leaving a microphone on during a Bush speech ... while the anchor took a piss.

Who runs CNN now? Someone from the BBC, I bet.

Want To Look Thinner? Become Chair Of A Network Newscast!

We said look thinner, not be thinner. If you are in the anchor chair at CBS, you get all of the Photoshop help you can stand.

"The picture was retouched without the knowledge of Ms. Couric or CBS News management," a CBS spokesman said. Couric, who was made aware of the picture's alteration yesterday, joked that she liked the original better.

"There's more of me to love," she quipped.

Want To Buy Sex But Hate To Pay For Gas?

Those Aussies are nothing if not inventive. If you've seen Aussie women, you know two things; why Aussie men drink a lot and how good their imaginations are.

So count on folks in Oz to ease gas woes. Visit a brothel, get cheap gas.

"If you come in and spend time with one of our lovely ladies, we'll give you a discount of 20 cents a liter," Kerry, manager of Sydney brothel The Site, told Reuters Wednesday. That's right, these brothels validate. That, my friends, is service.

Brad Pitt's Family Doesn't Like Drunken, Whorish, Homewreckers

Or so it would seem. Brad Pitt may have been lulled by Jolie's smoky intensity but what Amish boy wouldn't?

His parents are not so easily swayed. Seems they didn't like her boozing at her son's birthday party and left early.

A source told America's Star magazine: "They were the only ones not drinking and it was uncomfortable for them. Things were very tense that weekend, and they left with an even worse impression of Angelina than before. They think she is tactless and doesn't consider other peoples feelings."

No kidding. Maybe if she wore some of their blood in a vial around her neck they would feel she was more suitable for their baby boy. Note to parents: he loves her because she's insane.

I think Mr. and Mrs. Pitt should be nicer to Angelina. Since she gave birth to the new Messiah that makes her the Virgin Mary. Though perhaps she should have been drinking Virgin Mary's instead of being one.

Rob Reiner Is A Big Fat Dummy

It's not bad enough he wants to eliminate smoking references in old movies and censor them in new ones ... California is chock full of fundamentalist health mullahs like him so that's nothing to get alarmed about.

Now he says Mel Gibson should 'come clean' about his anti-Semitism, namely in making The Passion Of The Christ.

Yes, he thinks the movie is anti-Semitic because ... wait for it, wait for it ... it shows the Jews allowing Jesus to be put to death. Now, I will forgive Rob if he didn't understand the New Testament, being Jewish and all, but you'd think a guy who went to Beverly Hills High School would have learned to read a little better - and he has to have gotten at least a glimmer about the death of Jesus from somewhere.

"It's not a matter of just apologizing for some words you've said," said Reiner, who is Jewish. "It's to really understand why it is you're anti-Semitic and where those feelings came from."

See, this is what drives me crazy about Rob Reiner and the people just like him. It's the same stance he takes on smokers ( and I am not one ), Republicans and most anyone else not Rob Reiner. It's not enough if you apologize, it's not enough that you change your ways ... you have to satisfy him that you have repented properly and show him you have seen his guiding light. And consistency is no object, like when he says girls under 18 should be able to get abortions without parental consent. I don't think anyone under age 18 should be able to get a cavity filled in a tooth without parental consent but I am not a big fat dummy in Hollywood.

Soooo ... girls buying cigarettes under age 18 ( or ever ) = bad, but girls getting abortions under age 18 ( and without parental consent ) = good. Way to care about society, Rob.

I am firing up a cigar and voting for Bush in 2008 as of right now. No way am I taking crap from a guy whose only fame comes from playing a character named "Meathead."

Farrah Fawcett Heralds Resurgence of EC Comics

She even agreed to take over the role of the Crypt Keeper. It will be easy for her because her face shed all its skin in her latest meltdown.

Andre Previn Tanks Another Marriage

It's sad but fitting that a guy who was always after the next young thing has been dumped by wife number 5, 34 years his junior.

I maintain an affection Andre Previn because I was exposed to him at an impressionable age and he was involved in a monumental event in my life - I was a college student in Pittsburgh when he was conducting the Pittsburgh Symphony and he agreed to play piano with Ella Fitzgerald and Joe Pass for a charity benefit. As a student, I got to go cheap but, more importantly, it brought Joe Pass to town and he taught me for an afternoon as part of a master class at my university.

I don't think Andre Previn's work will stand the test of time because any time someone wants to be 'edgy' by cutting up the techniques that made great works great it will be a passing fad. Yet one of the things he respected least will be his monument for all time; the score to My Fair Lady.

Andre, I have some advice for you. Sure, you know me as a Formula One race driver who solves mysteries on TV but I am also an expert on relationships, so here it goes:

You're 77, it's not swinging London any more. Somewhere out there is a wonderful, intelligent woman your own age. And I want you to date her daughter.