Wednesday, November 23, 2005

Christina Aguilera Gets Married, Gives Hope To Ugly Guys Everywhere

Christina Aguilera Gets Married, Gives Hope To Ugly Guys Everywhere



Okay, she got married and actually looks pretty good here, but what woman doesn't on her wedding day?



Yet look at the guy she married. Dude, you can shave on your wedding day. What this really does is reaffirm the advice I have given to women countless times: DATE UGLY MEN. They try harder.

I mean, look at this guy. I have five degrees and I still can't figure out what's wrong with his teeth.

Monday, November 21, 2005

Newest Buddha Is Skinny - Fat Advocates Blame It On Media Pressure

Ram Bomjon has a pretty good gig. He spends his days meditating under a tree. He hasn't had to cook or order takeout for six months. Heck, he hasn't eaten anything at all. Not even a McNugget, say the thousands of worshippers who have flocked to southern Nepal to worship the 15-year-old boy.

As you can imagine, 6 months without food or water has made him pretty skinny. Now, that's not for me, man. When I grow up to be Buddha I want to look like this guy.

Still, as weight loss programs go, this kid is onto something. Something even cooler than enlightenment and light shining from his forehead. You see, I've always been baffled by the weight loss dilemma. But I am baffled by the Jitterbug and the popularity of Kenny Chesney too. Let's face it, they have done studies for 60 years on weight loss - and there were no fat people before 1945 so they didn't bother prior to that. In every instance, genetic makeup or not, people who consumed fewer calories than they burned lost weight. Every single time.

But is anyone flocking to Nepal to talk to this kid about writing a book on his diet regimen? No way. They just want to see him and buy a picture for 4 rupees. In 500 BC it took the original Buddha 49 days sitting under a tree to reach spiritual enlightenment. All it takes for me is a picture of my chick in tight jeans. But this kid has been sitting there for six months and is still only a Rinpoche.

Which goes to show you, education isn't what it used to be.

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