When Can We Just Call It Sex Day?

If there's one thing I know, it's what God meant when he created the Easter Bunny. Somewhere in there the Easter Bunny became associated with religion and when you add religion to things, you get alcohol-and-sex-fueled holidays. The holiday we are talking about today is the really fun period in Catholicism right before you have to give up stuff until you get Easter eggs 6 weeks later. Let's call the giving up stuff part "Lent" and the fun part before that "Brazil."

Brazil is, technically, a Catholic nation. Like all Catholic nations, this means you should give away 25,000,000 condoms for a religious event though the Church doesn't believe in birth control.

Now, I am all for two things; birth control and inconsistency. Just not at the same time. I always pick one or the other. One time Sweety asked me about this:

SHE: Let me see if I understand this. You won't use birth control, we can't live together before marriage and you never eat meat on Fridays but you'll let me use birth control and we can have buckets of pre-marital sex.

ME: Check. And sodomy, if you're making a list.

SHE: How is that possible again?

ME: Well, I figure you're going to Hell anyway so I might as well let you use birth control. And I can't take Communion because of the pre-marital sex thing. So I suffer too.

You can imagine that logic train never left her station. So back to Brazil. They are going to give away 1 billion free condoms in 2006 as part of their 'acclaimed' anti-AIDS program. Who acclaims it? The government giving away the condoms, of course. The Church is worried that if they give away a lot of condoms, people will have more sex.

Not me. You think they're giving away Durex XXLs? I bet not.