Iraqi Women Are All Ninjas

Sure, I am pleased as punch that there is huge turnout in the Iraqi elections but I want to know why the mainstream media are last to press with the knowledge that Iraqi women are all secretly Ninjas.

That's right, you read it here first. I agree it's a clever tactic to make them wear burlap sacks but with all of that stuff on, how do you know they are even women? The Japanese have already taken over our small electronics industry and have cornered the market on cutesy alien cartoon characters that compete with American industry icons and now they have set their sights on the oil in Iraq too.

It's like Pearl Harbor all over again. Except in the mid-east. And they have no Navy. And we're friends with them. Well, anyway, you get my point.

The proof is even there in the article and none of those respected 'journalists' bothered to point it out, which means they are in on the fix. But since I am not ... and I accept personal checks if they want me to be ... here is all the proof you need:

San Antonio Cops Prove They Are Not Human

I can't speak for any of you, but if I am a cop, I have handcuffs. And if I have handcuffs and two drunken Playboy models start offering sex to get out of taking a ride downtown, those handcuffs are darn well getting used.

But those San Antonio boys-in-blue held firm ... or the video cameras were rolling ... because they didn't flinch. Instead they busted Danielle Gamba and Carrie Minter for public intoxication and getting rowdy on the flight from Denver.

What are these San Antonio cops, Officers Cosby and Martinez, made of anyway? Here I am sucking down Miracle Greens and lifting weights and these two guys have somehow magically acquired willpower that would make Uri Geller cry in his oatmeal.

Kudos to you, guys. Here are the 34Ds you apparently did not notice when you were unaware that the scenario you were experiencing is how 35% of porn movies start.